My Writings

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Memory Lane

Here I am, sitting at this desk at sixteen
remembering all that has happened and what I have seen
I close my eyes, and begin my journey
down memory lane, come along, there's no hurry

Back to fifteen, sitting on the steps of my old high school
what’s coming up? It doesn’t look to cool
a predator approaches and sees his prey
oh how I remember that day!
he sits next to me, starts his attack
Please no! I don’t want to remember, lets go further back

Next exit age thirteen, sixth grade
what's next in this brigade?
It’s an early release day, and I walk down to band
someone comes behind me, scissors in hand
my hair goes on the floor
wait, stop! I don’t want to see anymore!

coming up, age ten
let’s try this again
sitting at home, both sisters there
my older one goes off, and gives quite a scare
she picks up the organ throws it across the room
all I hear is the slam of a door, then boom!
our fish tank goes to the ground
I’m stuck here, no ones around
my sister is scaring me
must leave, these are things I don’t want to see

Blast from the past, age eight
let’s see if I can get this straight
I’m in St. Pete. wait, what do I see?
my father is sitting there, calling me
“why are you crying?” I look in his face
“Grandpa is gone, gone on to another place”
I see a tear coming from my eye,
no, I don’t want to see myself cry

down the road is age six
lets see what's next in this mix
at Burger King on the playground
I am with Mary again, why am I wearing a frown?
Rewind, there we go, a kid comes up to me and Mary
what's happening? He’s telling me that Mary is scary.
I say “she’s autistic, she can’t help that.”
but he's staring at me as if I’m a mouse, and he a cat
you are just to weird, to shy
If you defend her, you need to die

oh how cruel kids can be
lets try going back to age three
There we go, a happy time; too bad I’m so small
it took me so long to remember that feeling at all

Thirteen years in the future at sixteen
I learned how to be happy and intervene
It may have taken sixteen years of sadness to free us
until I finally decided to fully follow Jesus

back to the present, I open my eyes
and as I see you, the past and pain slowly dies

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Stereotypes

Why do people judge so fast?
Its sicking how people think that just because someone is different,
they can diss them
You ever heard “that white, black, Hispanic, or Asian person.”
as if that sums them up
“Asians are smart, blacks are poor, and
whites with blonde hair are stupid bastards.”
Uh, I don’t think so.

Ever heard someone who was raped is defenseless,
someone who is pregnant out of marriage is a whore,
but a teen that is a virgin is slow.
We spend our lives living up to other people’s expectations
instead of our own.

I’m German; I’m called a Nazi
I’m Italian; I must be in the Mafia
I’m Irish; I must be an alcoholic
I’m Catholic, I must be a hypocritical sex offender
Someone tried to rape me; I must be defenseless
Sorry hun, but your wrong
I’m just a victim of stereotypes

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My Lost Innocence

As a dove flies across the sky
I remember my long lost friend
A friend I had my whole life but was
taken away from me on that sorrowful day
a friend that had no right to leave me
but couldn’t chose to stay

because that wretched person wanted power,
I’d never see my long lost friend again.
I’d never have the precious gifts
and the comforts she gave me
I’ll never see her again

You want to know her name?
It was Innocence,
My Innocence

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The Prize is Inside

If you look at me you can see
that I’m not the blonde haired, blue eyed
perfect figured model that society expects
I may not look like Brittany Spears,
but if you got to know me, you’d see
The Prize is Inside

I may not be able to fit in a size two,
and I may not look like every guy’s dream girl
but The Prize is Inside

I may truly be an average American,
not what we show in pictures but what we
see on the streets, but if people sat and
talked to me, they’d see
The Prize is Inside

People tell me
“You need this or that”
“If you want to be on Broadway
you need to lose weight
and be the size two American dream girl.”
But I think, no, I know their wrong
because with me
The Prize is Inside

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I Lost Hope

I'm always a problem and no one cares
I get yelled and pushed, the one everyone scares
Emotions are high, hope is low
trying to keep numb, make reactions slow
threatened to be left, abandoned each day
that they're going to get drunk, they hurt me in every way
guilt trips, name calling, when will it stop?
all of these things are just stabbing my heart
i've given up on praying, given up on hope
all these things people tell me, is all a joke
help will never come
sixteen years, always shunned

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I Am Poem

Note: this was a class assignment so it isn't that good

I am a teenager

I am intelligent and talented

I wonder about the future

I hear the voices of those who want me to be happy and feel loved

I see adults not trusting me because I'm young

I want acceptance

I am a teenager

I pretend that everything is okay

I feel insecure about myself

I touch the surface of my hopes and dreams

I worry that those dreams might not come true

I cry because all I hear is yelling at my home

I am a teenager

I understand people aren't perfect

I say I'm young and need room to make mistakes

I dream about a better world

I try to stay positive about myself and others

I hope for a wonderful life

I am a teenager

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Adult Monstrosty

What do some adults think they are getting at?

"Oh...we've been there before," yea right!

First they say, "Make decisions for yourself,"

But then they say,

"As long as you're under my roof, you have to do as I say"

They put you on lockdown

Thinking that they know you,

But if they really did they wouldn't say what they said

They wouldn't call you a druggie

Even though you can't even drink soda

Because it tastes so weird to you

They wouldn't think you were a prostitute

Even though you must be

One of the most modest people on earth.

They think they know whats best

But if they did they wouldn't hold you back

They wouldn't make you stay there

Soemtimes parents can be blind

They look for everything that don't even involve you

Like if your sister got a bad grade

Or if your dog starts to chase your cats

Somehow you are the God of all the animals

And can control them

From what I have seen, its a miracle

That all teens on earth aren't on drugs

Now I know not all parents are bad

They can be okay sometimes

Considering that you do every single thing they ask

That you obey everything they say

Which is fine

Its called respect

But that doesn't give them license to call you a "female dog"

It didn't give them license to hurt you when you made a mistake

When you were being human

Its so comical that they are the Gods of the universe

When it turns out, they don't even know what they are doing half the time

If not all the time

The growing emotional agony and sorrow

That you actually might not be good enough

And might never be

That maybe its time to give up

Time to move on

And see f you can actually have the power to be fully happy

Not just at the thought of a might be future

Things that can keep you going might be the only thought

That you'll get married one day

And have kids of your own

And the knowledge that you won't put own offspring

Through this destructive and soul murdering cycle

That you might change it

And not turn out like youre parents

And not hurt them as they have hurt you

So they might not always be confused

So that they might not need to be convinced

The "truths" that everyone else sees

That you can not

Since the pain and the memories are so great.

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More to come :)