And over a year later
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: I'm Not That Girl - Wicked

So it's been over a year since I updated this thing.  I did a search of my name, since I was bored, and found this blog.  I forgot I had it.

 I am now 19 years old.  I am still living at home, and sometimes its still tough, but I know I can't afford to move out just yet.

I've gotten really involved with my theater, I have two auditons coming up this week.  One for BoB's Little Shop of Horrors, and the other for a scholarship to be able to study acting in NYC for a four weeks in the summer!

I am working on becoming a teacher, but unsure of the age range I want.  I was advised to take Theater as a major to give me 3 more years to figure it out, and then go for my teacher certification.

 Matt and I are still broken up, and honestly, probably won't be getting back together.  At least not anytime time soon.  He tells me now that he still loved me when we broke up, and still does.....but I think we'd be happier with different people.....Maybe if he didn't break up with me though, what my Grandfathers told me would be happening next year....

 I had a stroke about a year ago (December 23rd 2006) due to an eating disorder.  I am doing better now, but it's still hard for me to eat.

I am not so suicidal anymore, though sometimes I will still use the rubberbands if I really need to.  It is a good stress relief for me, and perfectly fine. 

Reading this blog, I see how much I've changed in the past two years.

 

I'm not so much of a drama queen.  Yeah my life wasn't easy, but it seems like I over reacted sometimes.

I am coping a bit more with my issues, and acting more mature.

And a load of other stuff, lol.

 Heck I don't even remember who that guy I started to like was.....

 

A lot can happen in the course of a year.......

 

 

everything changing
Mood:  not sure

Wow, eventful couple of days......

 

My bf, well, he broke up with me, said he doesn't feel romantically toward me anymore, we are best friends, and all is good.  It happened on July 13, 2006.  It hurt at first, but it doesn't hurt so bad anymore, starting to heal nicely, and happy to see him happy.

 

On that day also, our neighbor died, she was really young, had two little boys I don't think the oldest is even a teenager yet.  She was really nice, and I hope she rest in peace.

 

I feel bad for saying this, but I think I am started to like someone else...and it scares me.....he is really sweet, nice, and fun to talk to, but I don't think he'll ever like me like that, we are friends.....I guess I'm afraid that I'll get hurt again.....but I know I'll never be happy forever if I don't have someone, and I have to move on, so I guess I'll see how things go.....but another road block is, he is one of my friends ex, and I just don't know what to do.....

Visits from the past
A wierd thing just happened to me, I was visited by my two grandfathers. One I never met before. The other was really close to me. This wasn't just a dream, they were in the room, Matt and my mom was there, and Matt said he tried to hug me, but then there was a hand on his shoulder holding him back.

Mutal message:
They approve of Matt, and love him to pieces, they said that we will be married in 2008, and that they both will be there, along with Uncle Richard, and Uncle Joe.

Grandpa Adamo:
He wants our family to get together as soon as possible, he didn't say why, but said that it was very important not to put it off any longer.

He loves Joanna, Shantu, Scotty and new little Joey
He relayed a message from Uncle Joe saying that he is proud of all of them and Aunt Virginia for their accomplishments.

He sends his love to everyone, but especially Nana, and wants her to love her life to the fullest, and not get upset about little things "remember the roses" he said she would know what that means....but I don't....

He wants me to join the columbettes, since daddy didn't really stay active in it, he wishes he will though....

Grandpa Schell:
He wants to see the rest of the children together again, he wanted to see them with Uncle Richard, but he didn't make it, but he wants them together with Grandma.

He said the Noah was a special gift to all of us, and for Julie to take care of him

He told my mom not to ever forget about Mary.

He also said to Grandma that Auntie Kay is there and he'll take care of her until she comes home. He also wants Grandma to enjoy her final time here, saying that she is to have all the adventures that she can and that he misses her a lot.

He wants us all to put aside any quarrels their might be and be a family (are there any quarrels????)

They both wanted me to tell the rest of the family these things and I hope they believe me, I'm afraid some might not.......

I saw this on My Space and had to post it.
Anybody under the age of 15 should not read this, and if you did, you should not repost this.

Just because you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.

It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the nineties just wont cut it.

You're a 90's kid if:

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"

You remember when Kurt Cobain, Tu Pac, River Phoenix, and Selena died.

You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"

You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

you danced to "wannabe" by the Spice Girls, Females: had a new motto, Males: got a whole lot gay-er. (so tell me what you want, what you really really want.)

You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the red* Ranger were meant to be together.

You know that Tommy was actually the green ranger

*later to be white

When playing power rangers with friends you fought over who got to be who............and you always got to be Kimberly (the pink one)

You remember when super nintendo's became popular.

You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

"I've fallen and I can't get up"

You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

Two words... Trapper Keeper.

You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide

You wore socks over leggings scrunched down

"Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS PHANTS PHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stubbed his toe toe toe and thats the end end end of the elephants show show show

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles

NANCY DREW AND THE HARDY BOYS WERE THE BEST MYSTERY BOOKS!

Rushing home after school to watch Babysiters Club!

Yikes pencils and erasers were the shyt!!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.

You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

You remember a time before the WB.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

"LOSER, LOSER, DOUBLE LOSER, GET THE PICTURE, AS IF, WHATEVER!"

You thought Brain woud finally take over the world.

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You remember when everyone went slinky crazy.

You remember when razor scooters were cool.

when we were younger:

Before the MySpace frenzy.

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONES

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

Tag.

When "Get Over Here!!!!" meant come home now or never come home again................EVER!

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Playing Heads Up 7 Up on a "rainy day schedule".

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

HOT WHEELS!!!!!

"POWER OF LOVE" BY CELINE DION..ONLY COUPLES COULD SKATE TO THIS.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

That "Little Mermaid"

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"

CAPRI SUNS

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Ninja Turtles, Power Rangers, Barbie, or Fairy Princess comforter.

Hey Arnold

Doug

Rugrats

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocco's Modern Life.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

CAMP NOWHERE

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The ORIGINAL cast members of all that.

You knew all the words to the ANIMANIACS theme song.

Kenan & Kel.

"CITY GUYS"...ROLL W/ THE CITY GUYS

Smart Guy

Sister Sister

Seinfeld

magic school bus.

Nick Arcade.

flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.

hey dude.

goofy

dinosaurs.

Mummies Alive

pinky and the brain.

Sailor Moon.

blossom.

hangin with mr.copper.

wishbone.

bill-nye the science guy!

MR RODGERS!!!!

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with "Face"

gulah gulah island

reading "BOOM-CHICKA-BOOM"

little bear

Busy Town

under the unbrella tree

PEE-WEE!!!

The Big Comfy Couch

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million,

& another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Trolls!!

The California Raisins!!

Go back to the time when:

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

When Aladdin was new, before the trilogy was complete.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days<3...

Identity gone
Okay, I'm kind pissed off at my dad, he lost my Birth Certificate and my Social Security Card. I need either of them to prove who I am to get a job. so basically, I am now no one, and it kinda hurts, because he didn't lose Allison's or Mary's stuff, just mine. Oh, and he told me its "to bad" and all that other crap. He said though that I'll never need it because I was going to be a bum anyway. Sorry Dad, I'm not the one who begs people for money and stuff, I'm self reliant, and if I'm such a bum, maybe I should move out.

(noticed I tried to control the blowing up a tad...)

No longer me

Wow
Okay, I was just reading my last entry, and I really should learn not to blow up like that....sorry people.

Okay, onto my life, yesterday was a day of firsts for me. I went to the Rennissance (sorry if mispelled) Festival. It was pretty cool, but I kinda forgot my sunblock (yes again) and now, I look like a losbter, lol! After the festival, I get a call from Matt, and he tells me his Nana and his Aunt Holly are in town, and he wants me to join them (his Nana, Aunt Holly, Matt and Matt's mom) for dinner. That really caught me off guard, since I never met his Nana and Aunt before, so I got a little nervous (okay, maybe a lot nervous, its me people! you know I'm always nervous) but I said yes, and I'm glad I did, it was so much fun! We ate at the Cheesecake Factory (first number three) and was there for a while, I left here at like what, 6, 6:30? Well I got home on my curfew (11) on the dot. It was a lot of fun, but a VERY tiring day (I almost fell asleep after dinner, because I was so tired and burnt, but I didn't so HA! lol) I actually still am tired from it.....but ah well, I better go and do my chores....blech chores.

Sorry again for the last post, I wasn't in the right state of mind, very stressed out for a while, and I just blew up, all is better for now though!

Forever Lyn

So out of it
Yea, lately I have just been changing, and I can't handle it much longer. I talked to my BF last night, and basically, if I go off one more time he is going to have to "leave me until I get better" He's upset at me for not getting out of the house when I could have easily. I thought I was doing the right thing, but apparently I was wrong.....I am always wrong, no matter what I do. I thought my life was getting to good to be true. I can never do anything right, and if anyone tries to convince me different will get there heads bitten off and be driven insane. Because thats all I do, drive people insane, and thats never ever ever ever going to stop! I promised him I wouldn't kill myself, I wouldn't hurt myself or anything like that, but I wish people would see how much it hurts when they make me do those promises. I get relief from hurting myself, thats the only relief I can have, my parents are abusing Ass holes, who only pick on me, and thats just how I was taught, you get hurt, it all will go away. I am so tempted to burn myself again, but "I promised I wouldn't" which sucks fucking ass! I think I might just go back to rubber bands, I NEED SOMETHING PEOPLE!!!! I CAN'T JUST QUIT LIKE THIS!!!! So yea, I am being driven insane by my lack of outlet because of all the fucking promises I made, I just need to learn to say Hell No. my mom was yelling at me today because apparently I'm "the fattest person alive" and I need to lose wieght and stop eating. I've tried not eating before and I passed out at school. Maybe I should try again. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should jsut run away, and let no one, not a soul, where I am. Just leave forever. I can't stand this anymore, and I never ever ever want to have to deal with this again. My family conselours won't get me out, so maybe I will have to take Sebastians offer. That's the only way I can keep Matt, is if I get out of my hosue, that way he won't worry anymore and I won't drive him crazy. I try to hide that fact that it really hurt me when he said that last night because then he'll go "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to" and all that making me feel worse because I have to sit there and convince him of a lie. I just can't handle this Bullshit anymore I am seriously considering running away, and not just until curfew either, never turning back, running away. Not telling anyone, even Matt, where I am and where I'm going. But alas, I can't because it will break peoples hearts and I can't live with myself doing that. Why the hell do I have to be so nice for? I should worry about myself first, but I can never do that, never ever ever. Wish someone would jsut shoot me. But wait, I can't even say that, because that will get peole worried too, let me just say what everyone wants me to say, like a puppet.

"I'm okay, life is perfect, and I could never be better, so there is nothing to worry about."

There, Happy?

Goodbye Plantation High
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Hanging by a Moment
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray! I'm am through with regular high school! Now first is first,I AM NOT A DROPOUT! I am still going to go to college for four years, I am just taking a different route, thats all. For all those who doubt me, I will explain my plan.

First: Withdraw from Plant on Monday, and enroll for my GED
Second: After recieving my GED, go to BCC for my Assoicates Degree
Third: After recieving my Assoicates Degree in Education and/or Musical Theater, I go to a regular 4 year public university to finish my third and fourth year.
Fourth: I then have a diploma like everyone else, it just took one year less of school to get it.

Now I'm not saying that GED is the best option out there for you, but it is for me. Seriously folks, have you noticed my attendence records at Plant? 40 DAYS OUT THIS YEAR Why you ask? Because I don't really fit in the high school enviroment. Plus folks who know my living situations, it gets me out of my house a year earlier. I also have a chance to go to college this way, I have been slowly slipping this year by being made to go to Plant, to the point I was seriously considering not going to college at all. This is the best thing for me, and you might think I am wrong, and that's fine with me, that is your right and your opinion. But my mind is made up, and its going to stay made up.

I will miss all of you and I will try to Keep In Touch.

I Love and will miss you all!

Your Friend,
Fallon Adamo

Was bored....

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Your Birth Month is November

Tolerant and inspirational, you are wise beyond your years. You are universally sympathetic and a great humanitarian. Your soul reflects: Compassion, friendship, and secret love Your gemstone: Citrine Your flower: Chrysanthemum Your colors: Dark blue, red, and yellow

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

you're very feminine. You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you. A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down. But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

I need to staple to my forehead
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Hanging by a Moment
Hanging by a Moment

I have been having a weird time lately, sorry its been so long to reply, I need to staple a piece of paper to my head reminding me to update my blog.....ah well.

I have been having killer mood swings....I'd be acting like i'm on drugs and really hyper one minute, and then about 1/2 hour to an hour later, I'll be suicidal depressed, almost in tears. It's so annoying and confusing....I use to be able to hold a good cry until I went to sleep, and then cried myself to sleep, I did it a lot growing up....but now it feels like, I have no control over my emotions. I find myself snapping at people, and then going around laughing....I HATE IT!!!!

I want to know what is gonig on....but I also don't want to know what is going on, you know? It feels like I'm going crazy, what the hell is wrong with me?

help me